she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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