Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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