Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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