You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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