you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
