I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
