So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
