we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
