I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize