Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
