how can u be prego again
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
