Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
