Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
