I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
how drunk are you?
Several
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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