Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
nutella sex= disaster
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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