I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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