The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
