I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
