Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
