she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
