i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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