it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
