i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
