I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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