I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
