weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i out mim tonsoeep
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