Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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