My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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