just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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