you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
