Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
