man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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