That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
