I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
