everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
