I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
vagina is talking i cant
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
