I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
