ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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