Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
