There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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