Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
