anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
