She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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