Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
