girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
