I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
