just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
