Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
