dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
