i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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