Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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