if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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